An obligatory listen as my 26th year comes to an end:
Hold onto hope, if you got it
Don't let it go for nobody
And they say that dreaming is free
But I wouldn't care what it cost meReality will break your heart
Survival will not be the hardest part
It's keeping all your hopes alive
When all the rest of you has died
So let it break your heart
Ooof, once a sad girl, always a sad girl! Anyway, onto the post…
As an astrologer I have learned a simple trick to gauge the theme of each year of my life. Unfortunately, knowing these things ahead of time does not make learning the lessons any easier, and it does not lick the wounds after sometimes endless tower moments. This past year broke and rebuilt my heart — and through it all I learned more than I ever knew I could handle. In fact, in a lot of ways I am still processing in real time as I continue to write and reflect.
In astrological terms this was my third house profection year, which in my chart is ruled by fiery Sagittarius. Profection years are essentially an overarching theme for each age dictated by where that age falls in all of our charts. Everyone has the same total of 12 houses, which means we all have our profection years during the same periods of our lives. They impact us differently based on things like the sign that house falls in, where its planetary ruler sits in your chart, the unique transits of that particular year, and a few more individual factors like comets, retrogrades, or when your infamous Saturn return occurs.
Note: not perfection, profection! the act of progressing!
The first profection year always begins in our first house with our rising sign representing our lead up to age 1; the remaining years following in patterns of twelve as they circle around our birth chart.
Profection years, themes, and ages:
The first house of self, identity, and personality — ages 0, 12, 24, 36, 48, 60, 72, 84, 96, +
The second house of values, self-worth, and money — ages 1, 13, 25, 37, 49, 61, 73, 85, 97, +
The third house of communication and self-expression — ages 2, 14, 26, 38, 50, 62, 74, 86, 98, +
The fourth house of home, family, and inner child — ages 3, 15, 27, 39, 51, 63, 75, 87, 99, +
The fifth house of pleasure, creativity, romance — ages 4, 16, 28, 40, 52, 64, 76, 88, 100, +
The sixth house of work, routine, habits, and rituals — ages 5, 17, 29, 41, 53, 65, 77, 89, 101, +
The seventh house of relationships, commitment, and business — ages 6, 18, 30, 42, 54, 66, 78, 90, 102, +
The eighth house of transformation and healing — ages 7, 19, 31, 43, 55, 67, 79, 91, 103, +
The ninth house of travel, expansion, and education — ages 8, 20, 32, 44, 56, 68, 80, 92, 104, +
The tenth house of public image — ages 9, 21, 33, 45, 57, 69, 81, 93, 105, +
The eleventh house of friendships and connections — ages 10, 22, 34, 46, 58, 70, 82, 94, 106, +
The twelfth house of dreams, past lives, and hidden lessons — ages 11, 23, 35, 47, 59, 71, 83, 95, 107, +
It may be helpful or more clear to read the above with the word progress included, for example: age 34 falls in the eleventh house of progress in friendships and connections.
The third house rules communication and falls in the sign of Sagittarius in my chart; which represents passion, curiosity, and wide-perspectives. At its best, this placement allows me to communicate with optimism and share my curiosity with others. At its worst, this placement can cause scattered opinions and sometimes an inability to match actions to words. I have only one planet in this house, Jupiter, which is also the ruler of Sagittarius — giving me an extra boost of abundance in this house and in the theme of communication throughout my life.
My first two third house profection years took place during ages 2 and 14; both pivotal moments in the timing of learning how to communicate. At 2 years old I was getting my grasp on language — my mind acting as a sponge for all of the syllables, words, and sentences around me. At 14 years old I was learning how to use this language to express myself and my feelings, learning both positive and negative ways to do so — my mind now a sponge for any more curse words I could use as a form of rebellion and retaliation.
At 26 years old, the focus of communication has been heavily centered around sharing my feelings, as well how I interact with others. I have learned a lot about my unique version of curiosity and what it means for me to explore a wide array of connections through the lens of bettering my own personal communication style. As a culmination of it all, here are 26 universal lessons I learned about communication during my 3rd house profection year.
1. No one can read your mind.
Share how you are thinking and what you are feeling as often as is appropriate to ensure others who need to be on the same page, are on the same page.
2. You do not have the power to read anyone else’s mind.
If you are unsure of how someone is feeling or what they are thinking — lean in and ask.
3. The story you tell yourself matters.
If you wake up everyday and choose to believe *insert negative thought about self here* or *insert negative thought about society here,* it will impact how you move about your day — sometimes subconsciously. Both spiritually and psychologically we know that we shape our world around the way we think; for a lot of us this means active participation is needed in the way we communicate with ourselves. Some examples of changing the story are a daily practice of swapping out negative self-talk for positive affirmations, or allowing ourselves to take extra time to express gratitude for the good things that happen instead of focusing on the bad.
4. The story you tell yourself about others matters.
If you convince yourself that a person is one way and refuse them opportunity to change or prove you wrong — you have decided on their role in your narrative without leaving them any autonomy as an individual. It takes time to truly understand others and it is not necessary in every relationship, but it is necessary to accept that your version of others is not the only one that exists.
5. It is okay to share how you feel without knowing whether these feelings are equally reciprocated.
Whether it is an early “I love you” or a respectful “I really do not like you,” it is your truth to speak. As long as feelings are shared with kindness and in adherence with boundaries, we more often benefit from sharing them than suppressing them.
6. People may not always understand your body language.
Someone like the barista you see every morning has no idea how awful your week has been, so we are responsible for how we communicate our inner emotions to the outside world. On days when I am feeling down and less available for a chat, I make sure to tip a few extra dollars to express that my being closed off is not a reflection of them or their service.
7. There is a huge difference between interacting with someone online and in person.
A lot of times people are more shy when they come out from behind a screen — occasionally the reverse is true and they are much more expressive in person than online. Instead of falling into the trap of assuming people will be the same in both scenarios, everyone deserves equal opportunity to introduce themselves and their personalities.
8. Everyone has things we hold close to our chest.
Not all folks need to hear the deep seated truths of our childhood trauma that came up in therapy earlier that morning. There are levels to opening up, it can start with a simple hint and build. No connection has an exact timeline, and we are certainly not required to be an open book to everyone who enters our life.
9. You should feel safe to verbally assert your boundaries in every relationship.
Whether it is at work, in friendships, or in intimate relationships — we set ourselves up for imminent failure when we are not clear about our boundaries. I have fallen into the trap of letting people talk me out of my boundaries, which I then held as a judgement of myself instead seeing it as a reflection of their inability to allow me to feel safe to stand firm.
10. Communication is easier when we contextualize our feelings and statements as our own point of view, and understand when others need to do the same.
At times we all use “I feel” or “I think” to root our communication in our personal emotions instead of statements of fact, but we often do not allow others the same grace when they use these ledes. There is something vulnerable about someone reflecting their experience back to us with an “I feel” statement, the responsibility is on us to hear them for what it is instead of taking it as fact about ourselves.
11. Communication is a muscle to be flexed, not to be perfected.
Just because someone is charismatic does not mean they do not sometimes also get shy; no one is expected to be the exact same every day, and we should not expect that for ourselves either.
12. There is a huge difference between intent and impact.
When communicating with others we have little control over the impact, which sometimes calls for over-communication of the intent. We know no one can mind read, so it is essential that we are as clear with communicating the true intention of our words and actions in order to avoid an unwarranted or unexpected impact.
13. Everyone communicates their conversational limits differently.
Sometimes we get stuck in our own world so much we forget that others may not be as comfortable with the same topics we are. When we are unsure, it is helpful to check in, or even pivot the conversation as a precaution.
14. Conversations are a two way street.
We are all guilty of sometimes finishing conversations with others in our heads, before we even start speaking out loud. Ruminating instead of having active conversations is unfair to both parties; you are left with a preoccupied mind, and they are left out of the equation completely.
15. There are times to talk, and there are times to listen.
Not only do we have to learn both of these skills equally, we have to ensure we are balancing them in practice. Even conversations with our therapists are not one sided; we must always remain open to perspectives, additions, and input.
16. Setting times to have certain conversations can allow for more harmonious interactions.
We all have different paces and busy schedules; much like we might book some time on our boss’s calendar to make sure they are prepared for an important conversation, we can do the same in our friendships and romantic relationships.
17. In the moment feedback can be helpful when it has clear intent.
Instead of bringing things back up at a later date and relying on the memories of all parties, some feedback is a simple statement and quick fix.
18. Sometimes, people communicate based on what they are feeling in the moment, allowing their emotions to take lead over their logic.
Communication can often be unintentionally affected by unprocessed emotions — like when someone yells because they are angry, and that anger is rooted in some sort of self-shame deep down. It is important to remember that we are all human and we all feel, it is also important to recognize when we are not using a healthy mix of our mind and emotions.
19. Everyone has a different communication style.
Some people take minutes to process, others take days. Instead of falling into the trap of harping on time spent waiting for a text back, we can shift our focus to being satisfied with our side of the conversation and allow for those who take longer or prefer different methods of communication to assert their own process.
20. Our body language can dictate how others perceive our communication.
We are all guilty of at times “coming off” incorrectly. This often happens to me when I am shy in an environment but am perceived in a more negative light as standoffish. We do not always have to shift our body language or open it up, we can also do our part to otherwise communicate interest or comfort when we know our body language is at risk of being misconstrued.
21. Some conversations call for undivided attention.
It is on us and the folks we are communicating with to speak up when we feel a conversation is needing full involvement from both sides.
22. Small talk, or conversations had in passing, can be just as influential as any other communication.
You truly never know if you are someones only interaction of the day, or if you are the best out of all of them. Instead of passively responding to questions like “How are you?” we can all do more to lean in and open up when possible, allowing others to do the same.
23. Brushing things under the rug when we want to address them is not a lack of communication, it is communication of our poor boundaries or standards.
When we allow negative actions or hurtful words from others to be ignored, we are showing that we are allowed to be disrespected.
24. Sometimes people will go out of the way to misunderstand you, it is not a reflection of your communication skills.
There are always people who will disagree with things we say and instead choose to believe their own truth. This is not on us, it is an insight into things they are or are not willing to accept, learn, or talk about.
25. Sarcasm is in most cases an unsuccessful form of genuinely communicating feelings or boundaries.
Whether it is self deprecating sarcasm or commentary on outside factors — this communication style sometimes tells others that we are unable to address certain topics head on. Even if this is true, this route leaves subtext for the others to sift through, which creates unbalanced communication.
26. Positive communication can truly change someone’s entire outlook on life.
Never doubt or diminish the power of our words; there are quotes from last century that still ring true to the masses, and there are compliments from last year that still repeat in our heads. When we choose to use our words for good, as a light to inspire and lift others, we are choosing to have an impact. Communication is universal; even a smile or a warm hug can have an ripple that outlives the moment.
Love you all always! The greatest gift this rotation around the sun is truly that anyone takes time out of their day to read my words. That’s all for now, but stay tuned for more later on… ;)
x elena